As somebody that is on a weightless journey (yes it is a journey), I have dreams of clothing I can wear. Cute, short, well fitted clothing. I’m still smack back in the middle of this journey but I do dream. I have an idea of what I want to wear, of what I’ll be buying and trying on.

Why then, Why oh why do I go for my normal 2xl tops? A few weeks ago, I popped into a local store that sells t-shirts, jackets, etc with slogans like “Houston Forever”, “HTown”, etc. I wanted to support them so bought a long sleeve t-shirt and a new beanie. Both will be used for my early morning walks. Anyway, I walked in and asked for long sleeve t-shirts. I automatically went for 2xl (unisex). Honestly, this would barely have fitted me 2 years ago.

When I got home I looked at it and thought ok it looks a little big. Monday I decided I would wear it and put it on. Well bugger me, it flopped. Quite literally flopped over my hips and midway down my bloody thighs. I then realized, I still see my body as 340lbs and not 220lbs that I am now.

This is something I really need to work on. Need to figure out how I’m going to shop and buy things in a size that fits me and not the size I think that fits me. I have shopped for a few things since COVID19 started, but all of this item was purchased online. I have been off about a size or two. I am not sure how I will shop when I can go into a store. Goodness. Imagine not having to go into the Woman’s section for clothing? I cannot even imagine.

I’ve been thinking about this for a few weeks. How often we see ourselves as larger or smaller than we truly are. My auto go to in clothing is unisex 2xl. Realistically, I can get away with a woman’s XL. As long as something fits over my boobs and my thighs it fits. Being large, I never could find clothing that was well fitted. I’ve always had a much smaller waist than my butt and thighs. So finding fitted clothing has never been an option.

This photograph was a 40lbs and a year ago. I can see changes in my body here. But it it still hasn’t resonated in my head.